I'm faced with this feeling often. There's a pit in my stomach after a relaxing morning with a cup of coffee, scrolling through Twitter, going on a run, and taking time to talk to friends. However healthy my activities are, if my actions aren't always to manage every hour of the day for optimal productivity (whatever that means), I feel utterly unaccomplished.
As well, a day of productivity can be followed by the same emptiness. My solution thus far has been to view my feelings from the outside in. I try to disconnect myself from my accomplishments and look at progress objectively. A step forward is better than stagnation, however small the step — I tell myself. But it seems this little pep talk isn't enough. I still feel kind of shit.
Depression can do this. I'm not depressed but I am recovering from it. I'm standing inside the light at the end of the tunnel, not quite crossed over, but old mindsets from the dark path behind still crop up from time to time. It's a possibility that I still feel inadequate deep down. Remanence of self-hatred.
My new passion for content creation is a soothing mechanism as well as a stressor. I find that my motivation is growing, on the other hand, my optimism is fragile. I'm always one critical comment or manslpainer away from self-hatred. It's a new feeling I'm trying to overcome. Taking criticism is something I haven't faced much in my life until now.
The point is, standards are high for a pat on the back. I may not feel as easily disappointed as I would have 2-5 years ago. On the other hand, only if my accomplishments meet some grand goal, will I take a moment to feel chuffed with myself.
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